Escape From Darwin

 Posted by at 1:00 pm
Mar 302010
 

Two things you should know about my mom to understand my review of Escape From Darwin:

1.) She’s a classy dame.
Being polite is very important to my mom and as a result, became very important to me. As a weakling that will do almost anything to avoid confrontation, I became exceptionally skilled in politeness over the years by referring to a few simple rules my mom laid down – the most often used being “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  Ergo, I’m a pretty quiet dude.

2.) She’s a decent cook.
She’s no Julia Child, that’s for sure, but my mom is a master of midwestern white trash comfort food. But she doesn’t stop at simply putting cut-up hotdogs in your mac and cheese. She pushes the envelope and finds new and inventive ways to make total crap taste goodish. We went through a lot of ketchup. (It was the Reagan years.)

She also plays the accordion, is super good at suppressing rage, and gives totally bad-ass hugs. She’s a class act, that mom of mine. Anyway, keeping in mind my upbringing, let’s get to my review of a movie called Escape From Darwin.

I watched a movie called Escape From Darwin. It is a movie.

Here is my mom’s recipe for Taco Puffs:

1 lb. ground beef

1/2 cup chopped onion

1 envelope taco seasoning

2 17.3 oz. tubes large refrigerated biscuits

8 oz. cheddar cheese, cut into 16 slices or 2 cups (8 oz.) shredded cheddar cheese

On a skillet, cook beef and onion over medium heat until beef is browned an onion is tender. Drain. Add the taco seasoning and prepare according to package directions. Cool slightly. Flatten half of the biscuits into 4″ circles, place in greased 15″x10″x1″ baking pans. Spoon 1/4 cup meat mixture onto each; top with 2 cheese slices or 1/4 cup shredded cheese. Flatten remaining biscuits; place on top and pinch edges to seal tightly. Bake at 400° for 15 minutes or until golden brown. Makes 8 puffs.

These things are so delicious it’s ridiculous. For added awesomeness, you can melt some cheese on top of the puffs and add some Tapatio and Escape From Darwin is a boring convoluted fucking unwatchable waste of time and I AM SORRY MOM.

  3 Responses to “Escape From Darwin”

  1. This is not a review. Come on Trent you can do better than this.
    SHammercock is unpleased.

  2. Steve – I put just as much thought and effort into this review as the filmmakers put into making an entertaining movie with a comprehensible plot.

    Zing.

  3. Those taco puffs look delicious.

    Skimming the plot on IMDB, I’m confused already. Think I’ll give this film a miss.