Question: Is Tokyo Gore Police the most awesome movie ever made?
And that shit isn’t even an opinion. That’s a fucking fact, Jack.
I’m not even going to bother giving you a review or a plot synopsis or whatever. There’s no point. All you need to know is that it just doesn’t get any more awesome than this movie and the fact that you’re not watching it right now makes you an idiot. So go watch it. Now.
Really? You’re still just reading this? Are you being difficult on purpose or are you just a douche that hates things that are awesome?
Listen up, horse. I’ve led you to this water and so help me god, you are going to fucking drink. Allow me to explain something to you – The title screen for Tokyo Gore Police occurs 8 minutes and 48 seconds into the film. Here is a rundown of what happens in that beautiful 8 minutes and 48 seconds BEFORE THE NAME OF THE MOVIE EVEN APPEARS:
0:00 – 0:39
Filmed in association with blah blah blah.
The movie begins and we see some pretty flowers.
A dude’s head explodes.
A dude eats another dude’s organs with chopsticks.
A dude does Leatherface’s “Chainsaw Shuffle”.
A chick slices her arm with a box cutter like 47 times.
4:41 – 5:01
A dude is shot until his arm falls off and then…
…a crazy-ass bio-mech chainsaw grows out of the bloody stump.
A cop’s head gets chopped off.
A chick flies to the top of a building on a bazooka.
A dude gets a chainsaw tossed into his mouth which chops his face in half.
Arm chopped off.
Ear chopped off.
Nose chopped off.
Eyeball falls out.
Chick chops dude in half vertically with a sword.
Yeah. And the remaining 1 hour and 40 minutes makes those first 9 minutes look like fucking “Milo and Otis”. I give this movie two severed thumbs up and the soul of my first born child (whom I will name “Tokyo Gore Police”).